4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
