Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize