um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How drunk are you?
Completed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
