He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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