My hand turned me down
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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