your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
