I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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