My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
