You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
