drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
