He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
