Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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