you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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