sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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