my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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