Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
