she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
