btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
