After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
