If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
