There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
