the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
