I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
