we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
