i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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