i need an iv and a liver transplant
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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