so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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