Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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