to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
