I would go down on you faster than GM stock
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
