there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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