I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I love you.
Bad choice
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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