The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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