Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
