You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
