made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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