i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
