We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
