Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
