Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
