she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
