and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
