Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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