Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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