I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
