Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
