well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
