I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
