You made me cry and you don't even care
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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