I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize