Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
