She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize