It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
