Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
