Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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