You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
