Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
