I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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