My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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