well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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