If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dicks are not precious.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
