Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize