Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
