Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
