yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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