im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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