Jerry, you need to find god
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
