We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
