dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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