Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
