drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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