this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
