he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
